cart | Groom Blues By Jade Wiley Wedding details have him bogged down? He popped the question and I was so surprised! After calling our parents and siblings and settling in for our own private celebration with beer, pizza and an ancient episode of The Muppet Show that included the line "We're engaged!", I was more than ready to begin the planning. I let him have two days of blissful, carefree engagement (generous, no?) and started firing away with questions. Would you prefer an indoor or outdoor ceremony? Should we invite Uncle Bob that I've only seen five times in my 27 years of life? Will he invite himself if we don't? What colors should we theme the reception and bridal party attire? Can I have pink roses everywhere, pretty please? On and on I went. At first he seemed okay. Then as the days and weeks progressed I began to notice him rolling his eyes and sighing deeply. I braced myself for the now predictable "Whatever you would like" and "That sounds fine." But it was not until he began to fall silent that I paid serious attention. He was wilting. The communication of our relationship had suddenly become reduced to one subject and one subject only - the wedding. We needed something to discuss that was not wedding-related, and fast. It took a lot of effort, I have to admit, but little by little I began to get better at balancing wedding topics with talk of kayaking, anthropology and music. What are the top five places in Europe that we want to visit in our lifetime? Where shall we go first? Believe me, the wedding details got covered. They just got covered in a more manageable fashion for him and for me. And we both lived happily ever after. Jade Wiley is a musician, fundraisier and free-lance writer in Middlebury,VT. She can be reached via e-mail at: jade.wiley@yahoo.com |
| The Dress Hunt By Jade Wiley Once things began to calm down after the engagement, I realized I had better start paying attention to one of the most important wedding day details of all - what I would wear! The search had already begun by means of dozens of wedding magazines sprawled throughout my 800 square foot apartment. I had cut out pages and pages of dresses I thought looked amazing and unique, two criteria that were my top priorities in this mission. Binder bulging, I started at home base. Mom and Matron of Honor's home base, that is. They both live in Northwest Arkansas and I had determined that my first shopping excursion would be with them. From Detroit to Fayetteville I flew, hoping to find something of worth at some boutiques Mom and I scouted out ahead of time. But it wasn't as simple as I had envisioned. In fact, it was quite disappointing. I was prepared with designer names and styles, but although some of the shops carried samples from my designers, they weren't the ones I wanted to try. I faced the harsh realization that I may have set myself up for failure by knowing exactly what I was looking for. I thought I needed serious help in my quest, so began to plan a trip to the next logical place, New York City. There I visited everything from a discount bridal warehouse with dresses wall to wall, to a custom design studio with bodices and skirts hanging patiently; just begging to be mixed and matched to please any bride perfectly, to a sample sale of dresses by top designers, every penny of the sale going to a children's charity. Even in the Big Apple, nothing seemed to work out just right. Add awareness of budget boundaries to failure to find exactly what I was looking for. Okay, last try, Detroit itself. Again I lugged my binder of dress pictures and again I insisted on looking at the specific styles I had wanted. Until the moment came when the clerk stepped away and I browsed for myself. It was different, not at all like the pictures I had stood by with conviction, but it somehow made me think I should try it on anyway. I added it to my collection. When I put on that dress and glided to the mirrored showroom I was shocked. It looked better on me than any dress I had tried. I had total strangers asking me the design and whispering and nodding to one another at how beautiful it looked on me. I tried on other dresses after that, but kept coming back to this one that seemed so amazing and unique. It was also within my budget. Mom told me that I would know when I had found "the one." I didn't believe her at first, but in the end, she was right. It just took me a month and a half of trying on and on and on. Jade Wiley is a musician, fundraisier and free-lance writer in Middlebury, VT. She can be reached via e-mail at: jade.wiley@yahoo.com |
| The Dreams of the World By Jade Wiley Why is it that once you're engaged everyone starts making suggestions? Magically, the dreams of the world unfurl for you to fulfill, yes - in the span of one hour - on your wedding day. Mom thinks that baby blue would make the most adorable accent color for little Stephen's tux and Aunt Ellen insists that you marry in her hometown so that all of your long-lost cousins can attend saying, "After all it will be most sensible place since you will naturally include them as your bridesmaids and will want to make it easy for them." In reality, you passionately hate baby blue and haven't seen or heard from your cousins since you were in elementary school. But you know Mom will be upset if you even hint that you don't like her idea, and as for Aunt Ellen, well, there would be a family feud if you were to even think of leaving one cousin off of the invitation list. And that's just the tip of the iceberg on your side of the family - what about his? What do you do? Before you panic or commit yourself to a mental institution, here are a few simple things to try that may make your life easier and actually help you achieve your dreams for your special day. 1) Laugh If you can't laugh about things you'll likely end up crying! Don't take things so seriously. Try to let things roll right off and have fun with the thought of little Stephen in baby blue - and maybe even with a temporary tattoo! 2) Confide in a friend - or even a stranger Talk with someone to whom you can safely vent. Who knows Mom's idiosyncrasies better than your sister? Local churches and community organizations can offer the time of clergy or counselors should you need it. Your mental health is important as you prepare for a life partnership with the person you love. 3) Be honest with yourself and with your family Though it is tough to deal with, the sooner you tell Mom that you'd prefer that little Stephen not wear a tux at all, the easier things will go in the long-run. Have someone else deal with Aunt Ellen if need be. You don't have to take the weight of the world upon yourself. Ask for help. 4) Take time for yourself Don't be afraid to set aside time that is just for you. Let the wedding plans go and allow your most enjoyable pastimes to consume you. Go for a run, cook your favorite meal, get a pedicure or sit and watch the clouds go by. You'll be amazed at the rejuvenating effect this will have on you. As you dream your own dreams, the dreams of the world will fade away. Jade Wiley is a musician, fundraisier and free-lance writer in Middlebury, VT. She can be reached via e-mail at: jade.wiley@yahoo.com |